Well this morning when the kids woke up I told them before they could go play with friends I wanted to take pictures where Arianna took her ballet pix. There was a waterfall there so who do you think fell in. Nope, Robert but he blamed it on Nickolas. But Nickolas was the one to step in dog crap. I love spending time with my kids. I just wish my husband would see the good times and not just  when I'm on my last nerve with my kids. I  think that is because and I hope because when there playing with other people they are on there best behavior. So when they come home they just need to be themselves. I understand why my husband gets so mad at me for letting my kids  just walk all over me. The only way I know to disipline my kids is to raise my voice and I rather do that than hit my kids. My husband doesn't understand that since it's easier for him to use strength to get his family to listen to him. I get so depressed when I hear or see couples and families  that look so perfect and are so happy.  Then I think to myself that it must be me since my patience level is very low. I also have a tendency to tell you what I'm thinking at that percise moment no matter who you are or where we are. Maybe that's why I live in Utah and my family lives in California, so I wont imbarass them. I probably do a little bit when I tell them my stories.My husband is trying to decide on wether or not to sell or re-finiance our house. I don't want to move for two reasons, the first one because my Dad keeps on telling me that they're going to move to Utah, maybe I'm crazy for believing that especially knowing my Mom and the only pair of pants and jacket she owns are for when she visits us in Utah. Then the second reason is because my brother Mike who passed away has a picture with my boys and my daughter when they were younger. It wasn't the same house but it was the same floor plan. So it's like having one last thing to hold on to. That probably sounds soooo stupid but that's the way I feel. Since when my brother was first married him and his wife lived with us and when they built there first house that my husband built was in the City Center a couple of blocks from us. When we had to move from our house in the City Center I wanted to move to the Ranches. The last dinner my brother had was at my house that reminds me of this house. I know I need to get past that but I'll do it in my own due time.